Picture Perfect Marriage

Turn your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians chapter 5:es 21-33. I'm starting a new series today titled Marriages Made in Heaven but Lived on Earth. Now, if you're here today and you're not married, if you're single and you're looking to get married in the future, then I think this will be a great series for you as you prepare for that future in your life. And if you're uh past that point of marriage and you're on your own now, there's many things that you can share with others. But even more importantly, we need to remember that marriage is a picture. And today's message is titled picture perfect marriages.

In Ephesians chapter 5 and beginning with verse number 21, the Bible says, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church and gave himself for and the savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so wives should be their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify it and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourished and cherished it, even as the Lord the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ in the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as I as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband. As we look at marriage, what I want to start this series is reminding you that marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ.

Marriage is important because this is the person you're going to live with for the rest of your life and and you want to have a good marriage and enjoy that time together. But marriage is also important for us as Christians because it teaches us about our relationship with Christ. So even if you learn nothing, if you're not here to learn about marriage in this series, you can learn so much about your relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. See, when our marriage is not right, now listen very carefully because when our marriage is not right, you know, on that wedding day, everything is so picture perfect and our marriage is not right, we destroy the picture of God's love.

we we rip it apart. And and that's what happens. If you're a Christian and you're married and your marriage is is falling apart and and not a good marriage, then what you are doing is you are destroying for the world the picture of Jesus Christ. See, in Ephesians 5:32, it says, "This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ in the church." From verses 21 down through verse 33, he's talking about the marriage relationship. But in verse 32, he stops and says, "Listen, I'm going to tell you a secret." That's what the word mystery means. I'm going to tell you a secret. I'm not really talking about marriage.

I'm talking about your relationship with Jesus Christ. You You ever wondered what is the secret to a good marriage? You ever wondered that? Well, we've got a a little video here of some folks sharing their secret to a good marriage. We're going to go and watch that right now. The key to a successful marriage is putting the Lord first. And when you draw closer to the Lord, you learn to love each other just like the Lord loves us. The fact that we don't have to be right all the time. And there's not necessarily always a right or a wrong. True. And I think the most important thing is agape love. Agape love.

It's what God gave to us. And we need to give to each other for a good marriage. Apologize quickly. Forgive quickly. And have regular generous intimacy. The key to a good marriage is learning to say yes, dear. No, it's communication. Yes, dear. The secret to a good marriage is that we are underqualified and not able to give advice on this matter. Praying for your spouse and yourself and laughter. That's right. All right. So, there are some secrets to a good marriage. Yeah. But I I'll tell you the number one secret to a good marriage is to marry the right person. The number one secret to a good marriage is to marry the right person.

Proverbs 18:22 says, "Who so findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtain a favor of the Lord." Proverbs 31:10 says, "Who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies." Now, one thing interesting is the Bible never says anything about finding a good husband. So, ladies, just give up. You're not going to find the perfect man. I I I'll tell you right now, uh you're not going to find the perfect man. Some people believe that there is one perfect person for you in the world. That God has you and he has one person that that's the perfect match for you. And and and I don't know about that or not.

There's a lot of arguments you could go with. I'm not here to argue that out. I I'm not sure if there's one perfect person for you, but I can tell you this. There's a lot of wrong ones. And those of you that are single realize this. You can choose the wrong person. And the mo the secret to happiness is to make sure you choose the right person. Choose the right person in the Lord. In 1 Corinthians 7:39, the Bible says, "The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth, but if her husband be dead," now listen to this next phrase. She is at liberty to be married to whom she will only in the Lord.

God says you, you can pick the person you're going to marry, but it's got to be in the Lord. You see, the Bible tells us in first 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Be not unequally yolked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? What communion hath light with darkness?" But that unyokeked together with unbelievers. It's not just about marrying an unsaved person. I I believe that a Christian should marry a Christian. But it's also about marrying somebody that has that same passion, that same love for the Lord that you do. Some of the loneliest people in church are the people that come without their spouse.

It's lonely to go to church without your spouse. And if they're not committed, you are, that's unequally yolked. And so the the secret to a good marriage is to choose the right person. But an even greater secret to a good marriage is to be the right person. You can't always choose the right person because you really don't know that person very well until after you marry them and then you live with them and you find out what they're like. So the better thing is to be the right person. In Matthew 6:33 the Bible says, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you."

And so if I want to marry the right person, then put God first in my life. Be the person that God wants me to be. Be the right person. I I was sitting down with a single one time, a single young man. He really wanted to get married and told me, "Pastor, I really want to get married." And I said, 'Well, what kind of what kind of girl are you looking for? What kind of girl are you looking? What kind of person are you looking for? If you go back to the book of Genesis chapter 24 real quick, Genesis chapter 24, you remember the story of of uh Isaac and Rebecca uh uh of u of them coming together there and and I in Genesis chapter 24 and beginning with verse number 30 uh verse number 63, it says, "And Isaac went down went out to meditate on the field in the evening.

He lifted up his eyes and saw and behold the camels were coming. And Rebecca lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel, for she had said unto the servant, "What man is this that walketh in that field to meet me meet us?" And the servant said, "It is my master." Therefore, she took a a veil and covered herself. And the servant told Isaac all things that he' done. And Isaac brought her unto his mother, Sarah's tent, and took Rebecca, and she became the wife, and he loved her. And Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. See, Isaac was anxious to see this woman that was being chosen for him.

Back in that day, they didn't choose who they're going to marry. But I'm sure he had a lot of conversations with that servant. This is the kind of woman I'm looking for. I I want to be I I tell our single and our teens, uh, you need to make three lists as you prepare to look for a marriage. Number one is you're unchangeable. These are non-negotiable. They got to be saved. They got to love the Lord. Uh, what are things that are important to you? And that that list is things that you just don't want to live without. It might be spiritual things. It might be others. Maybe if you're a real big outdoor person, you might say, "I don't want to marry anybody that not going to want to go camping with me."

Or maybe if you're a real sports fan, you know, I don't want to marry anybody that likes the Los Angeles Lakers. You know, and uh right, Kenny? And uh so, uh you know, whatever it might be, but that that is an unchangeable, non-negotiable. Then the second list is the important but not necessary. This is a list of things that are important to me, but they're not they're not deal breakers by themselves. Now, if there's enough things on that list, it can break the deal. And and I can live without those, but they are very, very important to me. It might be uh physical features. We had a lady in the church.

She was very tall. She was 6'6, I think, and she wanted somebody that was at least as tall as her. That was one of her important, but she said, "That's not a dealbreaker. If he's shorter, I'll just look down on him for the rest of his life. That's okay." Um, you know, so those are the kind of things that's is important but not necessary. And then the third list is the is the not necessary but nice. It's the it's the things that really don't matter in the long run. And so so often we get those things mixed up and we look for the wrong things and we need to make sure. And and I asked this young man, I said, "Well, what kind of person are you looking for?"

He says, "Well, I want a a a godly girl and I want somebody that's going to raise my children and and he went down a whole list of things." And I said, "Here's the problem. That girl is not looking for you." He was not faithful to church. He'd go out to the bars every every now and then. He was he was not living for the Lord. A and that girl that he was looking for. That's not she would not be looking for the kind of guy that he was. So you got to determine what kind of person am I looking for and then I need the person that to be the person that they are going to be looking for as well. So you need to choose the right person but more importantly need to be the right person.

And you say well wait a minute pastor I'm already married. If you're already marriage, married, then you have the right person. Get me again. If you're already married, then you have the right person. 1 Corinthians 7:10, listen to what it says. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband. See, you chose that person. Remember, back in the Bible days, they didn't even get to choose who they married. But you chose the person you're married to. And if you're married to, then that is the right person. And that's the person God wants you to make the marriage work with.

So many people just want to kind of jump out of the marriage, but you you you you realize that that's not what God wants. Now, I understand that the unbeliever can leave. And that's what this passage talks about. I understand today's world, if your spouse wants a divorce, there's really nothing you can do to stop it. It's going to happen. And I also understand that there are situations where you may need to separate uh what I call the three A's, abuse, adultery, and addiction. and you need to separate temporarily until that thing gets worked out. No, no woman or no man should should put up with adultery and abuse and addiction and there's a time where you got to set set step aside and say, "Listen, get this solved and then we can work out our relationship."

But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about so many couples, it's just like, "Well, I didn't marry the right person and I I want a divorce and they're not right for me." No. If you're married, God says if they're willing to stay, you should stay. Now, let me also say this, too. Don't push him out the door. Don't push him out the door. I had a lady one time said to me, "My husband left me." And and and I looked at her, I said, "I would have left you, too." She pushed him out the door. She She was using the Bible as excuse. He left me, but she shoved him out there by the way she treated him.

The Bible says in in Romans 12 and verse 18 that it would be possible as much as lith in you live peace with all men. You see folks, God doesn't tell you to change your spouse, God tells you to change yourself. And if you want to be married to the right person, then start becoming the right person. Because if you're married already, that is the right person. You've already made your choice. Now, those of you single, make the right choice because once you do, you're stuck with that. So, make sure you choose the right person and make sure you are the right person before you get married. But once you're married, that's already you've already got the right person.

You ee, what do you see? What do people see when they look at your marriage? As I said, your marriage to the world is a picture of Christ in the church. So, what does the world see? You remember back in Daniel chapter 3 when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abedneo were thrown into the fire. And the Bible tells us in verse 24, "Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astounded and rose up in haste and spake and said unto his counselors, did not we cast three men into the midst of the fire?" They answered and said unto the king, "True, O king." And he answered and said, "Lo, I see four men loose walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt in the form of the fourth is like a son of God."

You see, when people look at your marriage, what they should see is God. They should see the love of Jesus Christ. They should see that sacrificial servant attitude. And if they don't see that third person in your marriage, then there's something wrong with your marriage. And when your marriage is not right, you're destroying that picture of Christ. Turn over to Ecclesiastes, the book of Ecclesiastes, right after Psalms and Proverbs. Ecclesiastes chapter 4 and beginning with verse number nine, it says, "Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up the fellow, but woe to him that is alone when he fall, for he hath not another to help him up."

Again, if two be together, then they have heat, but none can be warm by himself alone. And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him, and a three-fold cord is not quickly broken. Better is, and it goes on from there. But here's the point is that God says, "Listen, two of you are good, but three of you are better." And when people look at your marriage, your neighbors, your family, your friends, your co-workers, do they see marriages like every other marriage that are fighting and and backbiting each other and get not getting along? Or do they see the love of God and see Jesus Christ in your marriage?

The world wants to see Jesus. The world is struggling and they need to see marriages and families that are working. In John 12 and verse 21, the same came therefore to Philip which was a beta of Galilee and desired him saying sir we would see Jesus. And folks the world is looking to your marriage because they want to see Jesus. And so your marriage is not just about the two of you. It's about your testimony for Christ. Can they see God's love in you? Turn over to 1 John chapter 4. 1 John chapter 4 and look at verses 19- 21. 1 John chapter 4:es 19- 21. We love him because he first loved us. If a man say, "I love God and hates his brother, he is a liar.

For he that loveth not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him that he who loveth God love his brother also. Now if you're supposed to love your brother and if you don't love your brother, you're not loving God. How much more should you love your spouse? How much more should that commandment apply to the person that's supposed to be the most the closest to you? If you're not loving your wife, if you're not loving your husband, then you are not loving God. And you have broken that picture. And the world needs to see the true love of God, the the unconditional love.

In Romans chapter 5 and verse 8, the Bible says, "But God commendeth or showed his love towards us and that while we're yet sinners, Christ died for us. He didn't love us when we deserved it. You fell in love with your spouse because they the the their looks and their personality, they made you feel good. But God loved us when we did not deserve it. How much more should you love the one you chose because they did deserve it?" You see, the love of God is unconditional. Love of God is undeserved. Romans 3:23, for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. I don't deserve God's love, but we need God loved us despite our sin.

It's a giving love. In John 3:16, for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life. One of the couples mentioned that agape love, that giving sacrificial love, the love that says, "I'm not going to love you because of what you do. I'm going to love you because of who I am." It's love that loves whether you feel like it or not. It's love that that loves unconditionally and sacrificially and gives of itself. And it's also receive love. In Romans chap 10:es 9 and 10, it says that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and shall believe in thine heart that God has raised from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

For with the heart man believeth under righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. Romans 10:13, for whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. How many of you in this room are married? Raise your hand. You know why you're married? because it was a day, a time, and a place where you believed that person loved you and you said, "I do to him." That's exactly what salvation is. Salvation is receiving the love of God through Jesus Christ. It is saying, "I do to him as your personal savior and accepting his love for you." It's a love that's not earned. My wife earned my love.

I earned her love. I understand that. But God's love I did not earn. In Ephesians 2:8:9 it says, "For by grace are you saved through faith that not of yourselves." It's a gift of God, not of works as a man should boast. Believe this or not, I did not have to pay my wife to marry me. Didn't pay a penny. Now, I paid a lot since then, but I had to pay her to marry me. I didn't have to bribe her to marry me. I didn't have to go out and do all the I just asked her. She said, "I do." We we did and we're done. But you know, you don't have to earn salvation, but after you're saved, that's when things change.

See, I didn't have to earn the marriage. I just said I had to say I do, but that's when things started changing. I didn't have to change to get married, but when I got married, I started changing. Ephesians 2:89 again says, "For by grace are you saved through faith, not of yourselves, the gift of God, not of works a man should boast." Then verse 10 says, "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God has before ordained that we should walk in him." You see, when I married Diane, everything in my life changed. The Bible says that he was talking about a mystery when he's talking about both the marriage and our relationship with him.

And it's true. I I found out when I got married, there was a lot of things I did not know. And I I had to learn them after I got married. For example, I did not know you're not supposed to drink water straight from the water bottle. Wrong. You don't do that when you're married. First time I did that, my wife said, "What are you doing?" I found out not supposed to do that. I didn't know I was supposed to fold my socks and put them away. When I put them away, I didn't even know you put socks away. I just thought there was a pile on the floor you pulled out the cleanest ones from. When I got married, I didn't know you're supposed to make your bed every day, even if you're going to sleep in it again that night.

Did you guys realize that? You single guys, get this down. You got to make your bed every day, even if you're going to sleep in the same bed that night. My wife taught me that. It was a mystery to me before I got married. But once I got married, I said, "Okay, got to make the bed. Got to put my socks away." I did not know before I got married, fellas. I This is amazing. I did not know how to dress myself. I'd walk out of the bedroom with what I put on and my wife said, "Are you going to wear that?" And I learned the best thing to do is just turn around, go back, and try something else on. For years, I did not know how to dress myself.

But praise God, I'm married now, and I've got that down. And fellas, here's the most important mystery you're going to learn when you get married. is you're supposed to put the toilet seat down. I didn't know that for for 20 years. I did not know that fact, but I learned it. Why? Now, I didn't have to do any of those things in order to get married. Maybe we should have a course on that, practicing, putting the toilet seat up down, making your bed, and all all the rest. But none of that was required to get married. But after I got married, that's when the changes started. And that's the same thing with salvation.

You see, I didn't have to change to get married. And I'll be honest with you, I still don't always put the toilet seat down. And I still don't f fold the socks before I put them away all the time. But I'm learning. But I didn't have to change to get married. But after I got married, a lot of good things started happening in my life. I started having clean dishes, good food, somebody to spend time with. all those good things started happening. And that's what God does when you get saved. You don't have to do anything to be saved but to say yes God, thank you for your love for me in Jesus Christ.

I do. And then God just begins changing your life. And that's what the picture of marriage is. And that's why your marriage is so important because the world needs to see that love of God in you as a husband and you as a wife. And when you are not loving each other the way you should and you are fighting with each other, you have destroyed the picture of Jesus Christ. Do you see the picture? Back in Ephesians 5:32 again, he says, "This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ in the church." A lot of what we're going to talk about in this series on marriage is the same thing in our relationship with God in the church.

The things we talk about in marriage are the things you can apply to every other relationship to to church and every other relationship. You see, in marriage, you're supposed to love one another. And this passage in Ephesians tells husbands, love your wives. And and and that's a command. It's not it's not a feeling. It's not love her when you feel like it. It's love her 100% of the time. I've said this before and it makes my wife mad every time I say it because she thinks uh it it doesn't sound good. But I love my wife about 20% of the time. That's the truth. About 20% of time I look at her and my heart does pitter patters.

My stomach gets butterflies and I'm thinking what a lucky guy I am. And I when I just could put my arms around her, give her a great big hug. Then there's about 20% of time I feel the exact opposite. My heart starts beating and my stomach starts churning and I'm thinking I want to go put my hands around her neck. But I don't because I love her. And about 6% of the time I'm in neutral. I just look over and say, "Yeah, it's my wife." And I don't have any feelings one way or the other. And that's not bad. God designed the to enjoy the highs and to deal with the lows. But here's the problem. Most of us as husbands, what do we do?

We only act in love towards our wife the 20% time we feel like it. But that time I want to put my hands around her neck, I just go put my arms around her, give her a big hug and say, "I love you." Now, I might squeeze her a little harder than normal, but you know, after a few seconds of doing that, I'm saying, "Hey, this is pretty nice." And the feelings begin to change. And you're supposed to love. And by the way, the Bible never commands the wife to love the husband. That's not fair. My wife is never commanded by God to love me. The closest the Bible comes to that is it tells us in in that the younger woman, the older woman teach the younger women how to love their wife, their husbands.

And that's where most women struggle. See, God made women be natural responders. If I'm loving her the way I should, she's going to automatically want to love me back. It's not always true in reverse. A wife can love her husband and he doesn't respond because he's not built that way. So that's why God has to command him to love. And you ladies need to learn how to love your husband. And it's a responsive love, but it's different. But we need to love each other. Why? Because that's what God commanded. Listen what he says in John 13:34 and 35. A new commandment I give unto you that love one another as I have loved you that you also love one another.

By this shall all men know that you're my disciples if you have love one towards another. God commands us in this room to love each other. That's what a church is all about. It's a place where you go to be loved. And if he's telling us as brothers and sisters in Christ to love each other, how much more should we as husbands and wives? See the the teaching to the marriage is the teaching to the church. You're supposed to love each other in your marriage. Supposed to love each other in church as well. So we learn love. We also learn in marriage that we uh need to love responsibly, be kindly, affectionate one another with brotherly love and honor preferring one another, but also love agape.

1 Corinthians 13 and:es 34-8. Turn over there with me. 1 Corinthians 13:es 4-8. This describes love. And so instead of saying charity, put your own name in there as you read with me as you follow along. It says charity or love, it's another word for love here, suffered long. Well, Wayne should suffer long and is kind. Charity or love or Wayne envieth not. Charity vaunted not itself. Is not puffed up. Does not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own. Is not easily provoked. thinkketh no evil, rejoices in uh rejoices not iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeeth all things, endureth all things, charity and love never fails.

This is what God is commanding us in our marriages and in our church. It's easy to respond to somebody in love. It's easy to love the person that loves you. It's easy to be kind to the person that's kind to you. Luke chapter 6 says that. But it takes a godly Christian to love even when you're not feeling loved. And that's the picture God wants in your marriage. And that's what God wants in our church. In your marriage, God wants unity. He also wants unity in the church. Psalms 133:1, "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity." As a husband and wife, you need to be united against the world because the world is trying to destroy your marriage.

And you need to be united together. And as a church, we need to be united. Also, we need to be faithful. I have to be faithful to my wife. When I said yes to her, I said no to every other woman in the world. And I have to renew that vow every day and that commitment to be faithful. Hebrews chap 10:es 23-2 it says let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering for he's faithful the promise and let us consider one another provoke unto love and to good works not forsaking the assembly of ourselves together as the manner of some is but exhorting one another so much the more as you see the day approaching let me ask you a question if you were as faithful in your marriage as you are to church where would your marriage be at right now some of you show up for church every now and then when I feel like it if you showed up for your marriage every now and then when you feel like it.

Do you think your marriage would last very long? You see, you need to be faithful in your marriage to one another and not just saying no to everybody else. See, it's not enough for me to just say no to every other woman, but I have to every day also say yes to my wife. And the same thing is true in church. We need to be faithful. Need to be loyal. And so God says, "Listen, as you learn about marriage, learn about your relationship with me as well." Because your relationship in your marriage is a picture of our relationship. And the world is looking for a picture of the love of God. So the same basic principles apply to your marriage apply in church.

If Christians treated their marriage like they do church, there'd be a lot more divorces than there is now. Revelation 22:17 says this, "And the spirit and the bride say, come, and let him that hears say, come." And let him that is a thirst come. And whosoever will take the water of life freely. One day, God is going to invite all of us to a great wedding feast to celebrate our relationship with him. And until that day, we invite you to a relationship with Jesus Christ. If you're here today and you've never said I do, then you don't see living together, you're not married. You've got to say I do in order to be married.

You've got to say I do to Jesus Christ to accept his love for you through his sacrifice. And you can do that today and to make today your anniversary that you will celebrate for all eternity because you trusted Christ as your savior. And if you're here as a Christian, if you're married, would you remind yourself and remember that your marriage not only matters to the two of you and to your children, but the world is looking for Christ in your marriage. And when you fight and you argue and you treat each other so badly, the world's looking over there and saying, "Well, there's no difference." And they need to see the difference in your marriage.

And for you young people, they're not married yet. Look for somebody in the Lord. Make your list. This is what I'm not going to negotiate on. So if this not there, we're not starting. I'm not going to date somebody who's not saved. I'm not going to date somebody that doesn't know the Lord. I'm not going to Get your unchangeables. Get your important list. You know what to look for. And then the rest of those things, they uh they'll be great, but they don't matter. But more importantly, if you want to have a great marriage one day, start now by being the person that somebody's looking for today. One day, I went up to a 12-year-old girl in the church and I said, "Do you pray for your husband?"

She looked at me like, "He's he's got something wrong here. I'm not married. I'm just 12." I said, 'Well, let me ask you a question. Do you believe God knows who you're going to marry? Yeah. Do you believe that guy is alive today? Yeah. So, why can't you pray for him? You just don't know his name. See, you can pray for him and you can start praying for you. You don't have to wait until you're married to do that.